The Mystery: An Unfinished Comedy
Headnote
A tiny burlesque comedy from Volume the First, written in Austen’s early teens and dedicated to her father; first printed in the 1871 Memoir. Its joke is perfect economy: three scenes of secrets — ’I am at present in a most critical situation’ — in which every communication is whispered and the audience learns nothing, closing with the curtain on END OF THE FIRST ACT. It is the only piece of Volume the First printed before 1930 and stands here for that notebook; the rest of Volume the First remains outside this edition on copyright grounds explained on the About page.
Act I
DEDICATION.
SIR,–I humbly solicit your patronage to the following Comedy, which, though an unfinished one, is, I flatter myself, as complete a Mystery as any of its kind.
I am, Sir, your most humble Servant, THE AUTHOR.
Men: Col. ELLIOTT, OLD HUMBUG, YOUNG HUMBUG, Sir EDWARD SPANGLE, and CORYDON. Women: FANNY ELLIOTT, Mrs. HUMBUG, and DAPHNE.
Scene I — --A Garden
Enter CORYDON.
Corydon. But hush: I am interrupted. [Exit CORYDON.
Enter OLD HUMBUG and his SON, talking.
Old Hum. It is for that reason that I wish you to follow my advice. Are you convinced of its propriety?
Young Hum. I am, sir, and will certainly act in the manner you have pointed out to me.
Old Hum. Then let us return to the house. [Exeunt.
Scene II — --A Parlour in Humbug's House. Mrs. Humbug and Fanny Discovered at Work
Mrs. Hum. You understand me, my love?
Fanny. Perfectly, ma’am: pray continue your narration.
Mrs. Hum. Alas! it is nearly concluded; for I have nothing more to say on the subject.
Fanny. Ah! here is Daphne.
Enter DAPHNE.
Daphne. My dear Mrs. Humbug, how d’ye do? Oh! Fanny, it is all over.
Fanny. Is it indeed!
Mrs. Hum. I’m very sorry to hear it.
Fanny. Then ’twas to no purpose that I–
Daphne. None upon earth.
Mrs. Hum. And what is to become of–?
Daphne. Oh! ’tis all settled. (Whispers MRS. HUMBUG.)
Fanny. And how is it determined?
Daphne. I’ll tell you. (Whispers FANNY.)
Mrs. Hum. And is he to–?
Daphne. I’ll tell you all I know of the matter. (Whispers MRS. HUMBUG and FANNY.)
Fanny. Well, now I know everything about it, I’ll go away.
Mrs. Hum. and Daphne. And so will I. [Exeunt.
Scene III — --The Curtain Rises, and Discovers Sir Edward Spangle Reclined in an Elegant Attitude on a Sofa Fast Asleep
Enter COL. ELLIOTT.
Col. E. My daughter is not here, I see. There lies Sir Edward. Shall I tell him the secret? No, he’ll certainly blab it. But he’s asleep, and won’t hear me;–so I’ll e’en venture. (Goes up to SIR EDWARD, whispers him, and exit.)
END OF THE FIRST ACT.
FINIS.